Why do all Chinese brands want to rival a dying one?

There is something wrong with me. At least there is in the eyes of every other car person out there. You see, I don't really give a shit about Porsche. I don't like the look of the cars, I don't like the sound the flat sixes make and above all I don't like the insane prices the company asks for the smashed Beetles. I still don't get that the 'Luft Gekuhlt'-shit and the engine in the wrong place are loved so much. The air cooling can't do its job properly when you drive the car the way it's intended to and it took Ze Germans 60 years to finally make the engine in the back part work properly by fitting the widest ass tires they could find to the back wheels.

But even I can't deny that Porsche did get the driving part right. Very right. The things are weapons on and off track. Fun machines which do very much look good from the driver's seat. Would I buy one? No. Well, maybe. But only if I could afford a Singer, but that isn't a real Porsche anymore, is it?

And that, dear reader, is probably why I'm not getting why pretty much every Chinese car company coming to Europe is trying to compete with Porsche. I don't get why you'd not just take everything Porsche does wrong, fix it and present it at a better price point. Why try to beat the Stuttgarters at their own game?

In some way the Chinese are trying to do that. Zeekr is bringing back the FR Performance brand zo zhey can go zreally fazt (I'm doing a German accent, if you hadn't noticed yet) witz zeir eggzizsting carz. And BYD is also on the warpath with Denza, more specifically the Z9 GT, because the D9 is just a big luxury van that doesn't hold a candle to the just released Cayenne. And off course we have Xiaomi that not only target Porsche with the SU7, but also Ferrari with their version of the Purosangue, the YU7. Very creative names, I know...

While it's all fun and games to take on a German brand that has the highest regards in terms of drivability, speed and technical prowess, but what I don't get is why the Chinese all want to look tike Porsche too. Why are they all trying to copy the struggling brand? And yes, Porsche is struggling. Like, really, really bad. Last year it's profit numbers plummeted by 96 percent to a couple of million. That means biting on a piece of wood for a couple of months, as we the Dutch would say. In other words: rough and not very fun times ahead at Porsche HQ.

I mean, Porsche is doing so bad it's pivoting out of the market the Chinese are targeting, just so it can survive. That means no more cheaper, electric sports cars, but only very expensive and limited special editions which fetch a hefty premium and make Porsche a lot of money. Stuff that doesn't yet seem to work for the Chinese, which still rely on a shallow brand awareness that's mainly associated with, let's say, value for money.

And that is so fundamentally different from Porsche, which for a large part sells cars based on the brand value they've been building, crafting, over decades. It's the only reason Porsche CAN pivot to the higher margin special cars. Without brand value nobody would even look at those things.

In my eyes, the Chinese car makers see a market that Porsche is leaving behind because it just doesn't work anymore, and think they can come in and work their magic. And maybe they can, but I don't think so. In the market where even Porsche had a hard time, brand matters way too much. It's in a price bracket people don't only look at performance or if a car can wipe it's own ass. They also look at how good it makes them look in the eyes of the neighbor they never speak to, but who looks at them weird. That neighbor needs to be jealous.

And although the Chinese manufacturer might tell you you're actually 'cool and edgy, because you dare to drive a Chinese car', deep down you know your neighbor will actually be laughing because a Chinese brand still screams: 'you're a cheap f*ck'. And that is why you'll still buy that overpriced Porsche instead.

In other news:

When you think of gamers, what image pops into your head? That of the fat guy from South Park, right? Kia apparently wan't that man to buy their next pill shaped electrowheeler (I'm sorry, I can't really call this thing a car anymore). It's building the thing specifically for the 'Gamer Generation'. I might be wrong, but I don't really thing gamers that play race games select many EV's for their races. I know I don't. But I have an Xbox, so I' F-d anyway. Anybody wan't to buy an Xbox?

I don't know about you, but I'm a bit of a BMW-fanboy, maybe even more an Alpina-fanboy. So when I saw this silhouette I felt things again. It even has exhausts! That means sounds! I'm getting weak in the knees already. Let's hope they make it until the reveal on may 15th at the car party I'll never attend because I don't have money: Concorso d’Eleganza Villa d’Este.

That's me being done with Volkswagen again. I started out being okay with the ID.Polo. Not really for me, but fine. It looks like a car, which is a win. And they are building a GTI, which is nice. Even a Clubsport, a 'hotter' version of the GTI, which is nice too. Although I like my EV's cool, because heat tends to destroy the battery. But that is neither here nor there. The fact is they already ruined the Clubsport because it's getting fake shifting. It's an EV. They don't need to shift. Which is a good thing, because you can focus on driving without having to shift all the time. I get it's part of the challenge, but why make things harder for yourself if you don't have to? I'm guessing you're not tying your shoes together in the morning because you think it's fun to make life harder and wobble to work, are you?